Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
farters have to be the big spoon...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
