I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
