You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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