I hope mine doesn't look like that
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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