Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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