smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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