Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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