somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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