So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
