I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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