there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
