Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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