your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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