I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
