Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
