I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
