Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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