It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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