so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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