she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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