I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
