i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i think my mom watched the whole time
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
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