i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Randomize
