i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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