I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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