I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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