remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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