hell yes lets make some ravioli
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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