We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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