Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
You smell like stripper and shame
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
