I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
