Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
