It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Randomize
