Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
