i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
