I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
