Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
