hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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