my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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