Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
