Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
