so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
