i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
my liver is dry heaving
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
