dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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