Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
