It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
he fucked my hip out of place.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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