But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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