I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
