OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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