in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
