my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
My cat gives me a boner
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
