he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
