Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
