You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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