there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
