Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
